My littlest babe....one.
It is hard for me to comprehend. I know that is so very cliche and that it is what all the moms say. But, it is true. This little guy is a miracle. He is living proof that God is good and He knows what He is doing.
He beat all of the odds and made it into my womb through a vasectomy and a pill, bringing our adoption of two boys from Ethiopia to a screeching halt. We were heartbroken and confused and we knew that God had messed up this time. We didn't understand why the Lord would want us to abandon two orphans so that we could birth another child. It stung. The guilt of feeling sad about a pregnancy wrecked me from the inside out. So many women would do absolutely anything to be in this position. How could I be so insensitive, so cruel?
It took some time but our hearts began to be at peace. We began to trust that the Lord was in control and that whatever His reasoning was, He knew more than us. I had come to a place where I remembered that my trust was in Him. My faith was in Him. He was good. No matter what. I came to terms with the fact that I may never know the answer as to why this happened but that it would be okay. It would somehow be for His glory.
Then.....we got the news. The heartbreaking, bring you to your knees news that our adoption agency had been shut down for fraud and child trafficking. Ugly ugly stuff with the people we trusted and gave money to, behind bars. It all happened right around the same time that we may have very well already been on our first visit to Africa to meet our boys with our eldest son with us. Our adoption would have been shut down. Our hearts would have been more broken than I can even wrap my mind around. We may have met our sons face to face and then may have had to disappear from their lives forever.
Now, I know that there are so many in that boat of grief. The boat that gets hit wave after wave. Those that are fighting for their children when injustice seeps into the adoption system. If that is you, God hears you. Your story may look completely different than mine but I believe that He is at work. Those children are His precious ones. He is working. He is bringing justice.
Then there is this guy. Fynn Jason Phillips. Full of such joy and peace. The moment that he was placed into my arms love overtook me. There was not a single doubt that he was meant to be my son. The Lord has huge plans for this kid's life. He defied all odds. He is the perfect third child in our little family. There is a beautiful story woven into his life and just looking at his face reminds me of the goodness of my God.
So, happy birthday baby boy. We celebrate your life today more than you will ever understand.